WHOSE CHILD IS IT?

Johnny Cash famously explains what it's like living with a stupid name and how it can mould a character.

I know some parents are guilty of inventing names so ridiculous it's uncomfortable for the child to live with. But is it really necessary for Govt anywhere in the world to step in and decide what each of it's citizens should be called?

In Norway in 1998 a woman was jailed for two days after failing to pay a fine for calling her son an "unapproved" name. Kristi Larsen said she was instructed in a dream to name her son Gesher (Hebrew for 'Bridge'), but the court decided the name was daft.

In Italy in 2008 a court banned an Italian couple from calling their child Venerdi (Friday). The judges reckoned the name - taken from 'Robinson Crusoe' - would expose the boy to 'mockery' and was associated with 'subservience and insecurity'.

Malaysian authorities have cracked down on "unsuitable" names in recent years and you can kind of see where they're coming from after one couple named their kid the Cantonese moniker Chow Tow – which means 'Smelly Head'.

In Denmark, the Govt gives parents a list with 7,000-odd names to choose from and special permission is needed to deviate from this list. Ethnic names, odd spellings and even compound surnames are forbidden. Anus was one rejected by the Govt last year.

In Japan one father named his child Akuma aka Devil. The authorities decided this was an abuse of the parent's rights to decide a child's name and a lengthy court battle ensued. Eventually the father backed down and the kid got a new name.

New Zealand decided that Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii could cause offence and ordered parents to change the name of their nine year old girl.

In Sweden, one couple chose Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 for their son. Apparently the name is pronounced 'Albin'. The parents chose it as a protest against Sweden's strict naming laws. Tax authorities must give their blessing to both first and surnames before they can be used.

There will always be some parents who want to give their child a name so unique it skirts daftness or shoots way beyond the bounds of "normality". Kids for their part grow up inventing a new name for themselves anyway if they don't like the one they've got. I'd rather the cause of bullying against children with weird names be addressed rather than bully their parents to name it in accordance with state requirements. To me it's yet another example of how we constantly encourage intolerance.

If the state can name a mother and father's child, what control of our children could it take next? Would it ever tell us what clothes are suitable to dress them in? Will boys always have to wear blue and girls pink? Surely they'd never tell us what we should and shouldn't feed our kids would they?

Children learn from their parents and their experiences. Wrapping them in cotton wool can only create a nation of BORGS. Unique names however silly create unique individuals. Why is individuality such a problem?

Any state taking control of a simple choice such as naming a child signals a very dangerous move. There was a time when I was proud to know that such oppressive Govt control would never happen in Britain. Now I just wonder how long it will be before our Govt embraces the opportunity for this control under the usual guise of the "greater good."