Doomed, I tell ye ...
Well, according to the Daily Mail's list of things that cause cancer. Funny how smoking is not on the list but the third hand smoke scam is included.
AGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449783/Women-birth-age-30-double-risk-breast-cancer.html
AIR POLLUTION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
AIR TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-200443/Frequent-fliers-raise-cancer-risk.html andhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-591109/Cancer-risk-frequent-fliers.html
ALCOHOL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-147083/Drink-day-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html andhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-471910/Bowel-cancer-danger-just-glass-wine-day.html
ALLERGIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-324732/Child-allergies-raise-cancer-risk.html
ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-55023/Cancer-causing-chemicals-soy-sauce.html
ARTIFICIAL LIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-391267/Artificial-light-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
ASBESTOS (as if it wasn’t bad enough already)http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1170584/Asbestos-schools-kill-pupils-warns-teacher-dying-lung-cancer.html
ASPIRIN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205490/Asprin-link-cancer-risk.html BABIES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-157683/Birth-size-link-breast-cancer.html
BABY BOTTLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1038697/EU-rejects-ban-baby-bottles-linked-early-puberty-breast-cancer-miscarriage-infertility.html
BABY FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-199887/Baby-food-cancer-alert.html
BACON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1102368/Additives-used-bacon-ham-chicken-make-cancers-grow.html
BARBEQUES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
BEEF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-393666/Alarm-beef-link-breast-cancer.html
BEER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1161843/Just-pint-beer-day-raise-risk-prostate-cancer.html
BEING A BLACK PERSON http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064547/Black-men-times-likely-prostate-cancer.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-508753/Black-women-develop-breast-cancer-decades-earlier-white-women.html
BEING A WOMAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-63976/Cancer-risk-higher-women-smokers.html
BEING A MAN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-306543/Men-twice-likely-die-cancer-women.html
BEING SOUTHERN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1027331/Why-affluent-women-South-likely-die-breast-cancer.html
BISCUITS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-126342/Cancer-foods-avoid.html
BLOWJOBS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-453843/Oral-sex-cause-throat-cancer.html BRAS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-182370/Is-bra-bad-you.html
BREAD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-411506/White-bread-increases-cancer-risk.html
BREAST FEEDING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-178756/Whos-risk-breast-cancer.html
BREAST IMPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-41443/Breast-implants-cancer-scare.html
BROKEN HEARTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-450049/How-heart-broken-grief-send-early-grave.html
BUBBLE BATH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-403703/Is-bubble-bath-safe.html
BURGERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-467360/Cancer-scare-food-colour-added-sausages-burgers.html
CAFFINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1127473/Coffee-raise-child-cancer-risk-New-evidence-caffeine-damage-babies-DNA.html
CALCUIM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1052127/Fatal-cancer-risk-men-high-blood-calcium-levels-say-US-researchers.html
CANDLE-LIT DINNERS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1207726/Candles-release-scents-laced-cancer-chemicals-warn-scientists.html#ixzz0dufFps6a CANNED FOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-44676/Gender-bending-chemicals-tin-cans.html
CARBOHYDRATES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-313227/Low-carb-diets-beat-breast-cancer.html
CARS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-358875/Pollution-cars-linked-child-cancer.html
CEREAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
CHEESE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1002424/Italy-shuts-mozzarella-production-toxin-fears-spread.html
CHICKEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
CHILDLESSNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
CHILDREN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
CHILDREN’S FOODhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-201390/Health-warning-childrens-food.html
CHILLIS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-347287/Cancer-checks-spices-new-food-dyes-alert.html
CHINESE MEDICINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-75547/Warming-cancer-risk-Chinese-medicines.html
CHIPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-487571/Parents-told-chips-cause-cancer.html
CHLORINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-431777/Chlorine-bathwater-linked-cancer.html
CHOCLATE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-386625/Cancer-fears-chocolate-snacks.html
CITY LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-496495/City-life-blamed-higher-risk-breast-cancer.htmlCLIMATE CHANGE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-452789/Warmer-climate-mean-thousands-deaths-skin-cancer.html
COCA COLA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-337178/Carrot-day-reduces-cancer-risk.html
COD LIVER OIL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-379918/Cancer-fears-cod-liver-oil-capsules.html
COFFEE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3027/How-healthy-cup-coffee.html
CONSTAPATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-193698/Atkins-diet-cancer-risk.html
CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-181273/Cancer-risk-45-higher-Pill.html
COOKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-382571/Frying-increase-cancer-risk.html
CORDLESS PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-515970/After-cancer-warnings-mobiles-home-phone-putting-health-danger.html
CRAYONS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6706/Safety-alert-best-selling-crayons.html
CURRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-342632/Cancer-dye-Grossman-curry-sauce.html
DEODRANT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-205705/Deodorants-linked-cancer.html
DIETING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-73056/Is-diet-lifestyle-putting-risk-breast-cancer.html DOGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490581/Can-dogs-breast-cancer-Bizarre-medical-theories-experts-claim-actually-true.html
EGGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-50995/Cancer-chemicals-eggs.html
ELECTRICITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-449679/Power-lines-link-cancer-new-alert.html
ENGLISH BREAKFAST http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1049142/Traditional-English-fry-raise-risk-bowel-cancer-63-cent.html
FACEBOOK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1149207/How-using-Facebook-raise-risk-cancer.html
FALSE NAILS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1174768/Having-nails-skin-cancer-doctors-warn-women.html
FATHERHOOD http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-506501/Prostate-risk-having-family-according-new-study.html
FIBRE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4903/Fibre-cancer-risk-warning.html
FISH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-117840/Fish-cancer-scare.html
FIZZY DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249305/Two-fizzy-drinks-week-raise-chance-getting-pancreatic-cancer-87.html
FLIP FLOPS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025915/Wearing-FLIP-FLOPS-skin-cancer-doctors-warn.html
FLY SPRAY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-459938/Using-pesticide-sprays-home-double-risk-brain-tumours.html
FRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-371260/Breast-cancer-drug-cuts-death-risk.html
FRUIT JUICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254534/Fruit-juice-cancer-warning-scientists-harmful-chemical-16-drinks.html GARDENS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-326153/Australians-warned-backyard-cancer-risk.html
GRAPEFRUIT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-468559/Eating-grapefruit-increase-breast-cancer-risk-third.html
HAIR DYE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1017259/How-using-hair-dye-increase-risk-cancer.html
HAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-490845/Is-safe-eat-Cancer-report-adds-bacon-ham-drink-danger-list.html
HEIGHT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1064454/Bigger-taller-baby-girls-higher-risk-breast-cancer-says-study.html
HONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-429303/Families-risk-toxic-imported-foods.html
HOT DRINKS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
HRT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1214782/HRT-increases-risk-dying-lung-cancer.html#ixzz0dueJ7qOY
INTERNET http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-312505/Cancer-patients-risk-websites.html
IVF http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-148228/How-IVF-raises-cancer-risks.html
KIDNEY TRANSPLATS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-459097/TV-prize-kidney-carries-risk-cancer.html
LAMB http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-446559/Red-meat-link-higher-risk-breast-cancer.html
LARGE HEADS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-370870/Big-headed-babies-prone-cancer.html
LEFT-HANDEDNESS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-363477/Left-handers-likely-breast-cancer.html
LIPSTICK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-499967/Is-lipstick-giving-cancer.html
LIVER TRANSPLANTS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207838/Cancer-liver-transplant-killed-husband.html MENOPAUSE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-395201/Weight-gain-menopause-increases-breast-cancer-risk.html
MENSTRUATION http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-68946/Do-women-need-periods.html
METAL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1081692/The-metals-daily-glass-wine-linked-cancer-Parkinsons.html
MILK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-328863/Milk-linked-ovarian-cancer.html
MOBILE PHONES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-473553/Orange-remove-mobile-mast-tower-doom-cancer-rate-soared.html
MODERN LIVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-474157/Modern-living-blame-cancer-epidemic.html
MONEY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1025375/Wealthy-background-raise-risk-cancer-teenagers.html
MORPHINE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1230208/Pain-drug-morphine-cause-cancer-spread.html#ixzz0dudlHqN2
MOUTHWASH http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1113422/Mouthwash-causes-oral-cancer-pulled-supermarkets-say-experts.html
NUCLEAR POWER (there is no hint of irony in this article)http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-42066/New-study-links-nuclear-sites-cancer.html
OBESITY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-245997/Obesity-raises-risk-cancer.html
OESTROGEN http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4098/Oestrogen-link-breast-cancer.html
OLDER FATHERs http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1223025/Why-older-fathers-likely-children-genetic-disorders.html#ixzz0dudLlJsP
PASTRY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html PEANUT BUTTER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1164417/Food-watchdog-warning-peanut-butter-brand-containing-cancer-causing-fungus.html
PERFUME http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1051130/How-perfumes-scented-creams-make-unborn-baby-infertile.html
PICKLES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-115696/How-safe-favourite-foods.html
PIZZA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-341698/New-food-dye-warning.html
PLASTIC BAGS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1207840/Plastic-decomposes-sea-releases-cancer-causing-chemicals-study-warns.html#ixzz0duexZlFs
PORK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1093039/After-alert-Irish-pork-safe-beef.html
POTATOES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-115037/Cancer-chemical-link-cooked-food.html
POTATOES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-115037/Cancer-chemical-link-cooked-food.html
POVERTY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-474820/SUZANNE-MOORE-Im-sick-told-fault.html
PREGNANCY http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-82458/Breast-cancer-risk-career-women.html
RADIOACTIVITY (again, just no irony whatsoever)http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-421140/As-radioactive-spy-buried-bar-staff-served-facing-cancer-risk.html
RICE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-444222/Rice-tainted-arsenic-raises-risk-cancer.html
SAUSAGES http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-550729/Why-eating-just-sausage-day-raises-cancer-risk-20-cent.html
RETIREMENT http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1220446/Oh-Work-good-especially-youve-retired.html#ixzz0ducbviCE
SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-191219/Did-sex-cancer.html
SHAVING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206459/Shaving-raise-cancer-risk.html
SKIING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-206243/Skiers-warned-cancer-risk.html
SOUP http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1132814/Salty-soups-increase-cancer-risk-says-expert.html SPACE TRAVEL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1015482/How-astronauts-risk-cancer--premature-ageing--travelling-space.html
SUN CREAM http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-592076/Cancer-fear-childrens-sun-creams.html
TALCUM POWDER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1063040/Cancer-alert-talc-Women-using-powder-day-risk.html
TEA http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-87131/Too-tea-treble-cancer-risk-women.html
TEEN SEX http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1237530/Girls-sex-teens-greater-risk-developing-cervical-cancer.html#ixzz0dudvXOF7
THIRD HAND SMOKE (read article and you'll understand)http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1249591/Even-hand-smoke-dangerous--especially-children.html
VITAMINS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-320006/Vitamin-pills-cause-early-deaths.html
WATER http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13620/Cancer-link-tap-water-radon-hotspots.html
WI-FI http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-456534/The-classroom-cancer-risk-wi-fi-internet.html
WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-338899/Dye-alert-spreads-school-meals.html
WORKING http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1031934/Why-men-desk-jobs-higher-risk-prostate-cancer.html
X-RAYS http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-207035/X-rays-bring-risk-cancer.html